The email has been sent to my boss and he’s replied with his best wishes. The deed is done, the deal is sealed. I’m going to be a full time stay home mum for the next ‘x’ no. of years. It’s both scary and liberating.
I remember 2 years ago when my maternity leave was about to be over, I was frantically looking for part time work options because I didn’t want to send the little berry to childcare. I was so clear, I wanted to be with her, I wanted to take care of her, I didn’t want to miss her first steps or words, I wanted to be there for all the moments – the small ones, the big ones.
And I felt so torn because back then, our finances were not as stable and we couldn’t afford for me to stay home. In the end, the Lord opened up part time work at my workplace and it was wonderful mercy. I had the best of both worlds – the little berry was well taken care of by my parents for 2 days a week, and I was able to stay home to take care of her for the rest of the time. I was able to stay in touch with society and keep up with trends and colleagues and wear work clothes to go to an office, and meet friends for lunch.
Thinking back, I can see the Lord’s hand of protection over me. He knows I don’t deal well with sudden changes, so He gave me 2 years of transition time. I know my calling is in the home. My passion is in my family and my children. I love cooking for my husband, taking care of the household, being here for my family.
So it has come to this. I’m standing face to face with my calling, and I feel a little apprehensive. Talking to GY about this sometime back, I told him I was afraid of letting go of a part of me. And he wisely asked me, what exactly am I holding on to?
I guess I would like to hang on to the couple of hours a day I can be free from having to be responsible for anyone other than myself, the tiny bit of financial freedom I get from my job, the respect and recognition from industry awards, people giving nods and smiles when I tell them my ideas… These are the perhaps the things I want to hold on to. But I know these are but dust, awards are but human applause, not to last, and money is nothing if the Lord does not provide. I guess it’s time to look for security in the right places, or rather, the right place – Him.
“Even to your old age and grey hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”
– Isaiah 46:4