One month and beyond

by thewallflowerchapter

The confinement nanny left for home today, and while we are truly grateful for her help, we are also happy to be back to just the 5 of us.

The past month passed in a blur of night feeds, lunch time rush hour, and trying to find a balance between caring for Miriam while spending time with the little berry. And I’m beginning to realise that that is no balance… Everyday is a new challenge, everyday presents its needs and God gives new strength for me to cope.

I was full of fear and guilt about neglecting the little berry with the inclusion of Miriam, but I was reminded of Jesus.

He walked as human with us, yet the needs were many and everyday the sick came to be healed, the possessed came to be delivered, the lost came for answers.

There was no way he could possibly fulfill every need, heal every leper, speak comfort to every wounded soul, yet Jesus was neither frustrated or rushed. He was at peace with God. He got His priorities right, He met with the father in the mornings, did what he could, and left the rest to the hands of the father.

I am so far from that. I often feel torn in every direction and rushed by the needs I see around me. But I know this is not how God meant for me to live, and I would like to change. To walk like Jesus did, at peace with the Father knowing that whatever he does, however much he can do for that day, it pleases God and he’s at peace with it.

In the midst of this new phase, I would like to remember all that I’m grateful for…

For the confinement nanny who has taken care of Miriam so well, and who’s worked relentlessly through many nights to see to the needs of the family. Even though GY and I are both OCD about our kitchen and are very disturbed that it’s been “defiled” and needs a major clean-up, we are thankful for her and all that she’s done.

For GY, whom I love. And who’s been nothing short of a servant leader in this household. I’m grateful that our girls can learn through his example. He never fails to ask how I’m doing, whether I’m managing ok at home, and whether there’s any way he can ease my load.

For little Miriam, who’s been a very good baby so far. Or maybe I’ve been permanently scarred by memories of having to rock the little berry while walking up and down the stairs at home for eternity and Miriam doesn’t seem to need that 🙂

For the little berry, whose laughs and giggles and funny talk light up our days. It’s been tough on her too, she no longer can laze around in bed with me after she wakes up, very often I have to get her to come to the library with me so I can nurse and she’ll be pottering around doing her own stuff. From time to time she’ll ask me to carry her but I’ll explain that I’m nursing mei mei and she’ll be quiet for a while…

I think she’s learning to adjust too, as we are. And I’m so thankful each time she includes mei mei in her speech, or says that she wants to “put out the fire for mei mei”, or “protect mei mei”. I pray the two of them will be best friends and prayer warriors for each other, the way I am with my sisters.

For DJ and Amy, who’s been taking the effort to join me for dinner the past few Sundays and pray for me. Their presence have brought me much joy and cheer. They make me so thankful that Miriam and the little berry have each other.