I’ll miss you, my little berry

by thewallflowerchapter

Mummy! Mummy, carry! Ma-meat! Me-meaty! Mummy wake up!

On mornings when it’s tough to even peel open my eyes to let light into my slumbering world, I smile when I hear the little berry whispering “Mummy”. It takes every ounce of energy but I cannot help opening my eyes, looking at her cheeky grin, and whispering back “Gracie”.

I know it won’t be long before I will cease to be her entire world. I know I’m not the only one she loves, she’s got her beloved Papa, her grandparents who love her to bits, and her aunts, but I’m the one who spends the most amount of time with her, and the one she turns to when she needs comfort, love, and even laughs and fun.

Come end of the month, 24 March to be exact, she will start going to school. It’s just 3 hours a day, 3 times a week, but I feel the goodbye. I feel the separation even before its begun. I look forward to that precious couple of hours in the mornings to do the things I need to do – QT, prepare meals, cook, take care of the laundry and other miscellaneous household items that I never get round to these days – but I know I’ll miss her. In fact, I miss her already.

I’ll miss the mornings where we get to roll around in bed, and play “round and round the garden”, and laugh, and read, and not have to rush anywhere. I’ll miss the leisurely strolls we take to the Katong V NTUC to pick up groceries and share a banana treat. I’ll miss the art and craft sessions we have, where she loves to “paint paint paint”. I’ll miss the times we sit side by side to pluck kangkong and prepare lunch.

I’ll miss having her around the house. Her running around. Her taking our shoes from the shoe rack and trying them on before heading out purposefully into the garden. Her finding books and sitting down quietly to turn the pages by herself.

I’ll miss being her world.

I don’t know if she’s ready, but she likes the idea of going to school, “with all the gor-gor jie-jie”. She showed interest in the classroom setting when we brought her over for a visit the other time, and seemed curious when she saw the other children playing together.

Perhaps she’s ready. And perhaps, I’m not.

My little berry, I don’t know who’ll be the one shedding tears come the first day of school. You’re growing up so quickly. Looking back at the videos I took when you were much younger, you’ve gone from crawling to running, from blabbering to giving us instructions, from listening to reciting whole nursery rhymes.

I don’t want to hold you back. I want to embrace every stage of your growth, every milestone you’ll go through, but know that I’ll miss you. At every stage I will. So run, my little berry, play and laugh and learn and have fun… but know that mummy always be there when you need me. I love you.