The gift of sleep
The little berry has been waking up every night for the past I’ve-lost-count-of-time. 2-3 months maybe? She would wake up and cry for us, and I would go and lie down next to her to calm her down and sleep with her till morning.
Sometimes it’s a matter of just lying down beside her, sometimes I have to pacify her, pat and sing to her for almost two hours before she would go back to sleep. Those nights left me feeling like one of the walking dead the next day.
For a long time, I was worried about this co-sleeping arrangement. I wondered how this can continue when her sister comes along, and how can I straddle settling two babies back to bed in the middle of the night.
Then last week, out of the blue, she slept through the night. No warning, no signs, it just happened.
I was up around 4am wondering why she hadn’t cried for me, and thought something must’ve happened to her. So I stared myself blind into the baby monitor intermittently for close to 2 hours until the morning. It was unbelievable. Just when I’ve given up trying to find a solution, The Lord answered our prayers.
Sleep had been something we’ve always struggled with for the little berry. From multiple night wakings to sleep training to transferring to cot after she’s fallen asleep to co-sleeping, it’s been a long journey of praying and discovering and crying and anger and surrender for both GY and I.
It is through these sleep journeys that The Lord taught us how to trust Him even when it looks hopeless, showed us His sovereignty when we don’t see His hand, and moulded us to simply trust His heart in surrender.
Because He is God, and we are not.
Oh perhaps for a while we thought we are, in sleep training the little berry, we thought we’ve pinned it down to a science on how to make her sleep through the night. We calculated sleep durations, kept records of her every sleeping period and recommended books to eye-bagged parents. We thought we had things under control. But apparently not.
We still keep strict records of her sleeping times and try to make sure she gets enough hours of rest in a day. But gone are the illusions that we have it under control. We now acknowledge that sometimes, things just happen and they’re beyond our means to change them. We just have to trust God and move ahead with love.
Am I not happy that the little berry is sleeping through now, for almost 4 out of 7 nights? Of coz I am. But I see each restful night as a gift from God, no longer as a given.
Things might change tonight, or tomorrow, or when we come back from Phuket, but however they change, I trust that The Lord will give us the strength to see us through everyday… no matter how many hours of sleep we get.