Paper thin

by thewallflowerchapter

These days, I feel stretched so thin. Between the constant nausea, fatigue and having to care for the little berry, I don’t have much energy for much else. GY has been wonderful at taking care of most of our meals and our laundry, even washing the milk bottle and dishes so my rotting finger doesn’t have to come into contact with soapy water or the insides of the rubber gloves which make them itch.

These days, I feel like I’m running on empty. One moment I feel such joy from having the little berry and GY, the next moment I’m overwhelmed by the very next diaper I have to change. One moment I’m praising God in song, the next moment I’m feeling irritated by something GY does. I oscillate between extremes such much and so quickly I have no idea how to handle the emotional roller coaster rides.

But mostly, I just feel drained slowly, like my day has already been sucked dry when it hasn’t even begun. Is this what the constant nausea does to people? Do pregnant women suffer from prenatal depression? Am I?

The little berry has come down with some fungal infection at her privates, something which greatly disturbs me… But at the same time I feel tired just thinking about putting her on the potty every half an hour. Or convincing her to put on/take off her pants, or put on a diaper, or be cooperative when I have to shower her after she’s wet herself again.

Sleep hasn’t been optimal either, I’m heartbroken everytime I apply the fungal cream on her affected areas, and can understand why she cannot sleep well with the terrible itch. But disturbed sleep for her also means disturbed sleep for me, and I’m easily susceptible to falling ill so am concerned about that too.

Lord, we really need you. I really need you. Your comfort, your assurance, your protection. GY and I are both trying our best but why doesn’t it seem enough at times? Teach us Lord to depend on you fully, to know our strength is limited and that we are weak but in our weakness your strength will be seen. Empower us to serve each other in this household lord, with sacrificial love and encouraging words. Help me concentrate not on my discomfort, my nausea, my inability to do so many things, but help me find peace in you. Please lord, help me carve out time to seek you and draw strength and wisdom from your word, I desperately need that. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

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