My first Mother’s Day

by thewallflowerchapter

We will be celebrating Mother’s Day soon. It’s going to be my first, since the little berry decided to make her appearance just a few weeks shy of Mother’s Day last year.

Last year, I didn’t think about Mother’s Day at all. I didn’t dare think so far ahead. I was living a 2-hourly feed kind of existence and I feared sunsets and nights and what madness they might bring.

But I did recall thinking that if I survive till my next Mother’s Day, I’ll have something profound to share or reflect upon.

Well here I am, at the cusp of a whole year gone by and I’m far from that profound knowledge I thought I’ll have. I’m still living on another person’s schedule (otherwise known as nap/meal times which keeps the world sane) but I do have some thoughts I would like to jot down, having lived as a mother for a whole year.

Mothers aren’t perfect, in fact they’re the ones who need grace the most.

A loving home is not a spotless, picture perfect home. I’m still trying to learn this everyday (the floor, Choppet kunnie!)

Sometimes I look at the little berry and I wonder if she really came from my womb, this cheery joyful cheeky baby I’m given the privilege to know. This life that grew 10 months within me. I stand amazed every time.

Motherhood wouldn’t be possible without fatherhood. I cannot think of another husband who does the many things GY helps out with in the household and with the little berry. We make a great time (amidst the disagreements and miscommunication from time to time) and I’m so thankful for him.

I catch myself in everyday moments thinking, wow so this must be how mama felt when she was at this stage of her life looking after me – and then I realise I have hardly begun to understand her love for me.

The past year has brought me through heaven and hell. I can hardly describe the kind of abrupt switch my life had taken, and can truly understand now why in war, sleep deprivation was used as an effective method of torture.

I’m immeasurably blessed with a job and bosses who let me take the time I need to take care of the little berry. I have never – NEVER – heard of anyone who’s on a 2-days-a-week work arrangement ever, especially in advertising. I think back on the days I was running around like a headless chicken trying to make ends meet when God already has the best possible arrangement for me.

Where God leads, He provides.