Love Hate Relationship

by thewallflowerchapter

With Chopper that is.

Ever since the little berry came along, I’ve had a lot less time (in fact, hardly any time at all) to pay attention to him. The bulk of my attention in the day is spent caring for the little berry, and making sure she doesn’t kill herself.

I’m not sure if it’s because I just don’t have the energy to clean up after him, that’s why all I see is the mess he leaves around – like the sticky drool (and the doggy smell it leaves, especially in the car) and the fur he sheds in our bedroom and the car.

GY told me to see him as a retarded kid but I just can’t, I tell GY it’s because I think he’s just stubborn, but I think perhaps that truth is that it makes me sad to think of him that way.

I find myself screaming at him a lot, and I hate that. But when I see the effects his mess brings – like GY coughing his lungs out, or the little berry crawling over the drool and scrapping her knees on the dirt he brings into the house – I just can’t help it. I admit a lot of it has also got to do with how stick, dirty floors really really irk me.

But once in a while, when I finally have a quiet moment (usually when the little berry sleeps), I look up and see him sprawled on the floor, chin touching the ground, eyes looking at me, and my heart softens. I think about how I used to see more in him than the mess he makes.

Perhaps circumstances make it hard for me to see that now. And I wonder how I can make things better. Is it because I’m so stretched, and I need help to clean up his mess so I won’t be so irritated by it?

Must measures be as full-scale as a live-in maid? Or perhaps something less drastic like schedule a weekly interior car wash (since GY has no time to clean the car) and a monthly grooming session for Chopper?

I’m not sure, but I should probably start heading in this direction soon…