When The Going Gets Tough
Somehow, God always knows when the going gets tough for me. The bulk of this afternoon has been challenging, the litte berry was rather cranky and couldn’t sleep for long on her own. I spent a long time walking up and down the stairs, around the house, in and out of rooms with her, literally living from feed to feed. The couple of times I managed to put her down sleeping, she would get startled soon after and start crying most pitifully.
At one point I was at my wit’s end and cried out loud, “Lord help me!”
A dozen questions started popping up in my mind: Why has my life suddenly become like this? What kind of existence is this, being stuck to a baby 24/7 without even time to go to the toilet? Why do I look so lousy in my home clothes, sweating in this blistering heat at home everyday? What have I traded my life for? Am I ever going to get my life back??
Later in the afternoon, when I settled the little berry in the sling (she’s really comfortable in it but this can’t be a long term solution as she gets heavier because as it is, it’s quite strenuous on my back and shoulder), I came across this blog post about a surrendered life. As I read it, tears began flowing down my face. I haven’t been reading the scripture much or getting a lot of spiritual food, so I’m really thankful to be ministered by these words…
This life is short, and I want to live it surrendered, not comfortable. I want this temporary life to be one that I can’t live on my own, one that I need His strength for each and every day. The messy life I have, the one He chose for me, is far more beautiful than any comfortable relaxing moment I can imagine, because He is in it.
The truth is, we all, each one of us, if we are living a life surrendered to His will, have our own crosses to bear. Our own sacrifices to make. They all look different, but they all feel very much the same. And most of those sacrifices are mostly made up of those small moments woven in and throughout our days.
“Surrender is usually dying to self on a daily basis and most often found in the mundane.” Jennie Allen, Anything
It is being willing, because of love, to pray this prayer of Betty Scott Stam,
“Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Your Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever.”