Sleepless In Singapore

by thewallflowerchapter

The latest pregnancy symptom to strike has been that of insomnia.

I use that term loosely, because what really happens is this: I fall asleep the moment my head hits the pillow, and that goes on very well until I wake up around 2am to pee. This action repeats itself again at 4am, and then 6am. At any of these intervals, my body decides to stay awake altogether, so I lay wide-eyed in bed, until sleep creeps up about an hour later.

It’s an awkward phenomena, especially when there isn’t much to do at 4am. I can’t trot to the computer to do stuff, I can’t play Scrabble or read on my iPhone because that would blind me. Even going to kitchen to eat something seems like too much work (hunger pangs have also become a way of life, and they strike at the most unlikely of times).

So what do I do in these wee hours of the morning when sleep escapes me? I think about the little berry, I wonder about what kind of baby she will turn out to be, how taking care of her will be like… I think about my husband, I think about married life, us, life and death, our spiritual lives… and I pray. Sometimes, I drift in and out of sleep while praying, sometimes I just keep praying until sleep takes over me. Very often, I find myself praying for him more than for myself.

Just the other night when we were talking about renewing our Nat Geo subscription, I was telling him that my heart broke when I think about how my parents really wanted to but couldn’t afford to buy encyclopedias for us as kids. He asked me then when is my heart tender for him… I think it’s during moments like these, in the quietness of the night when I lay awake praying for him, that’s when my heart finds a soft spot for him, my husband.