9 Weeks

by thewallflowerchapter

And the nausea is still not letting up. I read somewhere online that the nausea peaks at 9 weeks, then subsides after 12 weeks. But I’ve also heard horrifying stories of pregnant women who suffer this sickness for their WHOLE pregnancy. That, is not encouraging to know at all. I’m counting down to week 12, hoping that when I open my eyes in the morning, I won’t feel that dull wave of nausea that sweeps across my day.

I went to see my Cardiologist today, who’s a really nice guy. Because I have WPW, my gynae wanted to make sure that my heart is fine for the delivery. Two consultations, one ECG and one Echo test later, I’m much poorer but given the all-clear for my heart.

Ok sorry but I’m not done talking about the most common feeling I have these days – nausea. Nausea makes me feel like not eating, and for the past 29 years, I NEVER suffer from lack of appetite. Not in the mountains at 8000m above sea level, not when I fall sick, not after a breakup, not EVER. Ok there was once when I wasn’t big on food but that was because my dad was hospitalised for a pre-cancer condition and was breathing through a ventilator after surgery. I believe that was the only time I didn’t feel like eating. But I was also running to the office washroom to cry my eyes out in between meetings then, so that wasn’t really the usual me.

I never realised how big a role food plays in my life till I don’t feel like touching it. When I cook dinner, I have to avoid ingredients that make me feel like throwing up (anything too porky, too pungent tasting, leaves too strong an aftertaste, case in point: GARLIC). When my husband asks me what I feel like eating, or where I would like to go for dinner, my mind goes into 404 Error mode, and I hang for several minutes until he loses patience and decides. When lunchtime creeps up, I face the eternal question again: What to eat that won’t make me feel like hurling my insides out??

Then there’s the embarrassing issue of puking in public washrooms. My worst experience by far was rushing to an early client meeting in a cab, and having bad nausea hit me while I was stuck in the cab on the ECP in the middle of a jam. I didn’t have any plastic bags with me and I didn’t have the heart (or courage) to throw up in the cab, so I held on till we finally reached my client’s office. The couple of us going for the meeting were supposed to convene before going to the client’s office, but from the moment I entered the building, I was stuck in front of the toilet bowl, observing all the food I ate for breakfast swimming in ugly puddles before me. Besides the long wait I had to withstand before I got a cubicle (I had half a mind to tell the people in front that I’m pregnant and need to throw up, but I was only 8 weeks along then and didn’t look convincing at all), I also had to get over myself and the embarrassment of making throwing-up sounds while I was throwing up. I’m not a particularly noisy puker, but if you’ve ever puked before, you’ll know that puking almost always require SOME form of ugly human noise. And I hate knowing that the person in the next cubicle might know I’m puking my guts out and think I’m bulimic or something.

But at Week 9, here’s the statistics so far:

Throw-ups: 4 (once in office after tom yum lunch, once at home after roast chicken dinner but I suspect that’s due to overeating, once at my client’s office after a strawberry breakfast, once in my office after eating a citrus-y sweet which resulted in my vomiting bile)

Nausea: Almost everyday from Week 6 onwards (strangely almost immediately after I discovered I was pregnant, after reading up online about pregnancy. Perhaps a self-fulfilling prophecy?)

A friend once told me her mum who’s a cancer survivor told her to not succumb to the pregnancy nausea, but instead reject it in the name of Jesus. I tried doing that a couple of times, but I think I have to consciously do it more. Maybe God is trying to teach me something here, or maybe He’s finally dealing with my food-greed problem.

Well 9 weeks into pregnancy, and it seems that I’m only talking about nausea. To be honest that’s not all that’s going on. There’s this whole gigantic swirl of thoughts, emotions, questions, hopes and dreams that I’m not going into. The other day, the husband was saying that if we have a boy, we’ll call him Emmanuel (Manny for short) because it means “God with us” and also because it’s the name of one of his favourite computer game characters (I suspect the latter might be more weight a reason). Then I said if it’s a girl, we could call her Sarah because God blessed her with a child in her old age, and because I liked the ring to that name, it’s gentle and soothing. But that night, I read in the Bible that Sarah was associated with a lot of undesirable traits e.g. she didn’t have faith to believe what God could do through her, she acted on her own wisdom in asking her servant to sleep with her husband to produce an heir, and she lied when the angel of God asked her why she laughed when she heard that God was going to bless her with a child. I’m sure even favourite names like David have connotations that are linked to sin (even though David was a man after God’s heart, he committed adultery and murder), but I don’t feel comfortable choosing a name simply because I liked the sound of it. Anyway the husband said he’ll pray over it, and we’ll see. A name is the first gift we give our kid, so much prayer is needed in that department.